This week on... Real Oyster Cult LIVE


Tony Bennet is crooning. "Turkey hands" hang on the fridge. THE FAMILY is gathered around the kitchen island. Awkward silence descends as REALLY GLUM TEENAGER enters.

Clearly, this is a come-down-from-your-room-OR-you’re-not-seeing-your-friends-later-situation. 

AUNT JACKIE, (the fun aunt who's not really related) cracks a joke, enveloping the TEENAGER in a big bear hug. TEENAGER manages a watery, pained (smile?) 

UNCLE BOB and DAD's WEIRD ACCOUNTANT FRIEND, (Mom takes pride in inviting at least one stray), stare at their pints like the secret to conversation might bubble up in their beers.

Politics is definitely off the table. 

DAD enters the kitchen carrying a REAL OYSTER CULT box.

Hey, guys! Let's do some shuckin'.

Over on the sofa, GRANDMA perks up.

            Did he just say....?

He said, S H U C K I N' Grandma.


And just like that... DAD teaches THE FAMILY to shuck, even GRANDMA. The ice breaker works: Goodbye awkward family, Hel-lo happy shuckin’ family.

Introducing the ICE BREAKER: a family-fun activity, bonding session, and delicious experience that'll bring your whole family together this Holiday Season: Two sets of gloves and knives (for the price of one - woot!) and two of our most popular, easy to shuck oysters: ROC Reserve from our farm in Duxbury MA and Savage Blonde from PEI. Ice Breaker. Dream Maker.

                     ICE BREAKER
       (cue Pat Benatar's Heartbreaker)
You’re an ice breaker
Dream maker, oyster taker
You better shuckin’ mess around with me
You’re an ice breaker
Dream maker, oyster taker
You better shuckin’ mess around with me
Order up your ICE BREAKER. You're gonna need it. ✌️

Share this post

Leave a comment

Note, comments must be approved before they are published